what day is it? right. thursday, december 8th. thursday. yeah. i want a write a book called "Dear Non-Muslim Folk" and it would start with "islam SUCKS!
just kidding. haha. hahaha." the end.
having a hard time remembering what my life is like. right. yesterday had final meeting w/ screenwriting instructor. hard to translate the cultural stuff of the script. he doesnt get it on paper, i need to work on that. or perhaps it is too hard to get on paper. woe is me. here's what i wrote in a pre-meeting email:
"Hey ---,
I wanted to comment on the script since we may not get enough time tomorrow. Initially, it was an exercise in crafting a story about multiple worlds that spoke to all of them. It's not there yet. I've changed it many times, always hitting the same problem of diluted characters or culturally-motivated actions that don't translate. I've watched films like Bend it Like Beckham, Mississippi Masala, etc, and while I enjoy them, I don't want to repeat the issues they tackle or imitate their style. And there's also a major difference with this script in that it deals with muslims, who deal with their own heap of questions. writing miriam's character, for example, is really challenging. there's no norm for a protagonist-type muslim girl within the muslim ummah (world) and without. part of it is the mworld's identity crisis at the moment. i'm sick of worrying about audience, but isn't it practical? i just want to write characters i know, doing things that i've seen done or expect they would do.
right. ok. that's the superficial issue. what's really bothering me? i see scenes as memories from my own life flooding into each other, merging with stories i've heard, people i've known. that's the emotional anchor. the story depends on some kind of emotional stability, which i dont think i have. my attitude towards the past is in flux, more so now than four months ago. when i read certain scenes, if i'm honest with myself i know they're unrealistic and dry. like the conversations between mrs. mahmoud & mrs. chowdhury. marriage isnt the only issue at hand. it's honor, it's nationalism, it's culture. when miriam obeys, there's a numbness that falls over her, blocking protest, but how would i show that in a way that's dramatic? protest is natural in the outside world, not within the ranks of family. i'm afraid of being melodramatic, of turning it into a hideous bollywood flick (cringe). i also think i shy away from tough conversations that risk being melodramatic because i process them differently; that's where much of my interest in fantasy stems from. when i hear irrational arguments, i spoof them and imagine large, dangly ears on the speakers or something. i can't take things seriously when they become too serious. so i avoid them. but regardless, i feel the emotions that arguments are meant to trigger.
damn! what do i do?
going back to the 'attitude towards the past is in flux' bit - the riots in france, belgian suicide bombers in iraq, attendance at an islamic scholars conference, [edited] has left me at times just...frozen. how can i take a stand about anything when my views are so debatable? my own attitudes toward life are so volatile. screams are more appropriate than my usual stoicism. the voice of reason always wants to critique this or that about a scene based on fairness of portrayal (what is a fair portrayal? you cant cover all personalities/vulnerabilities
/neuroses that make up a people in one film, you cant draw in all arguments; attempting that is documentary, not fiction).
maybe i've taken on too complicated a story (or made it more complicated in my mind than it needs to be) for the very first exercise in writing a feature? but if not now then when?
sorry. i'm rambling. you've got a lot on your plate and my issues may be insignificant in the long run. but hopefully it helps you understand where i'm coming from, because i probably won't be able to articulate much of it adequately in person."
but it must be done. this final draft must obliterate all obstacles.
